He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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