Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
