its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
