There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
