my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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