babies were throwing up all over the place
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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