In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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