she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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