So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
