I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
