it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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