therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
