Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
