Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
