He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
