Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
