i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
