Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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