If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
