Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
