I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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