I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
