I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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