none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
