last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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