Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize