How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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