Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
