I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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