I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
These tits shall not be calmed
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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