Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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