Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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