ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize