I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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