I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
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I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
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I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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