I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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