How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
