you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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