Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
