i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
