just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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