Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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