he wants to bone in the snuggie
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
