just survived the first fart of the relationship.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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