if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm drive I can fine osifer
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
