i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
