In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
