yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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