I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize