I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
