Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She needs sedatives and a leash
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
