i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
