i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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