Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
