He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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