Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
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I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
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i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together