I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
