I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
