it wasn't lemon gatorade
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
