quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
How's work?
Spinning.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
