I cockslap morals
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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