you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
